1. You are grocery shopping. You need sugar. Where do you find it?
A. In the aisle with the eggs
B. In the aisle with the coffee and tea.
C. In the aisle with the flour and spices
D. In the cereal aisle.
Messes me up every time. In my head, sugar should be with the flour and cake mixes and icing and whatnot. Joel says in his head this makes perfect sense, because you use sugar with coffee and tea. But what about the powdered sugar? Called ICING SUGAR here? Why isn't the ICING SUGAR with the ICING in the BAKING aisle? And then I give myself a time-out because clearly I've lost the plot.
2. Still grocery shopping. You need commercially packaged chicken stock. Where do you find it?
A. In the sauce aisle.
B. In the soup aisle.
C. In the meat department.
D. In the frozen section.
This also makes no sense to me. Stock is a type of soup. It should be with the soup. I think the Aussie logic is, you use stock to make sauces. And sauces are very big here. But stock is not sauce unless you add things like flour and spices. If you follow that train of thought to the end of the line, stock should go in the baking aisle too.
3. A "swatvac" is. . .
A. A device used to kill and vacuum really big bugs.
B. A police sweep intended to pick up drunk drivers.
C. A cram session before big exams.
D. A cleaning device to reach corners on high ceilings.
The etymology: "Swat" is a slang term for a cram session. "Vac" is short for vacation. Year 12 students stop going to classes about six weeks before school is actually out for the year. They spend four weeks studying at home for their big end-of-year exams, which are very long and hard and scary. This is their swatvac.
4. Which web site WILL let you watch their videos in Australia without, ahem, outside intervention?
A. Comedy Central
B. YouTube
C. Hulu
D. BBC
Hooray for YouTube, that doesn't give me this bullshit response:
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Forget you, Comedy Central. |
There is a way around the blockage. Many Australians use a VPN (a Virtual Private Network) to let websites think we are actually browsing from somewhere in the U.S. If we're using a VPN, we can get access to most of those closed sites, but Netflix America is still balky, even with the VPN. I think the BBC has updated lately, though, and we can watch it through a special viewer we can download.
5. Tipping at restaurants
A. Is forbidden.
B. Makes you look like a tourist.
C. Is only expected to be 10%
D. Is only expected with wine service.
An American tourist. No one's going to stop you if you want to tip, but it just isn't done, dahling. Joel and I used to argue about this before we moved here, and it took a lot of getting used to to not leave tips anymore. Servers get paid $20+/hour though, so tipping isn't as crucial for their survival.
6. If you want to pay for airline tickets you can . . .
A. Pay by credit card, but it will cost you $30/ticket for the privilege.
B. Pay by debit card, but it will cost you $10/ticket for the privilege.
C. Pay using an online money transfer, but it will take up to a week to get your tickets confirmed.
D. All of the above.
Primitive financial crap. The government is talking about making it illegal to charge for credit card use any more than the company actually charges for the service. That day cannot come soon enough. It's much more of a cash society here . While you can charge a pack of gum in America, here most stores won't let you use credit unless you spend more than $10.
7. Pumpkin spice can be found . . .
A. Nowhere in Australia
B. At Starbucks in Australia
C. Only in the autumn in Australia (which is springtime in America)
D. It's everywhere, but it's called "custard spice."
Pumpkin spice just not a thing. Maybe because "pumpkin" here is the same as winter squash in America. But no pumpkin pie tradition, so no pumpkin spice. Nor can you find canned pumpkin easily. Canned pumpkin is one of the more popular food items expats bring back with them in their luggage.
8. "Afternoon tea" means . . .
A. Lunch
B. Dinner
C. A snack between lunch and dinner.
D. Any hot drink you drink in the afternoon.
In other words, afternoon coffee is also afternoon tea.
9. "Tea" means . . .
A. Lunch
B. Dinner
C. A snack between lunch and dinner.
D. Any hot drink you drink in the afternoon.
Yeah, I know. Bless it, move on.
10. Australian marshmallows taste like . . .
A. American marshmallows
B. Peppermint
C. Chocolate
D. Strawberry
So shivery awful sweet as well. Luckily Costco sells the good American gigantic Campfire ones if you're jonesing.
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Just no. |
11. Killer Pythons are . . .
A. A popular candy treat for the little ones.
B. Only found in Queensland during the wet season.
C. Ubiquitous, and they are able to kill a grown human within 5 minutes.
D. A slang term for a man who is well-endowed.
Joel, who edited this for accuracy, would like me to point out that there are indeed pythons in Queensland that will kill you, but their proper name is not "Killer Pythons." That honor is reserved for the yummy gummy candy.
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Mmmmm . . |
12. When applying for university in Australia, which is NOT true for year 12 students?
A. They apply in year 11 and know at the beginning of year 12 where they are headed.
B. They are accepted into a specific program the summer after year 12.
C. They have to decide what they want to study before they apply to university.
D. They worry a lot about their exams in year 12 because that can make or break whether or not they get into the program of their choice.
I am in awe of the young people who can navigate this tertiary education system gracefully. The process is: You decide what you want to go into, and have to declare your intentions during year 12 high school. In other words, if you want to be a doctor, you have to decide this when you're 17 or 18. You apply for that particular program. Then you study and study and hopefully your final exam scores will get you an ATAR score (Australian Tertiary Admission Rank) that will be high enough to allow you into the program. ATARs can range from "less than 30" to 99.5. Programs like medicine require you have an ATAR of 95 or higher, the minimum ATAR to get into education programs is 75 (and they wonder why they have too many teachers . . . sheesh). You sit the exams to earn your ATAR at the end of the school year, wait a month to get your scores, then the scores are reported to universities. If the universities like your ATAR, they will make you an offer to come to them. Students don't apply to specific schools, they just declare what they want to study and where they're willing to go to school.
Interestingly, medicine, dentistry, veterinary medicine - all bachelor's degrees. They take longer to get - I think medicine is a 5 or 6 year bachelor's degree, but that's all it is. Then students go straight to internships/residency.
If a student decides to change their study area in university you have to reapply and might need to do other prerequisites just to get into a new bachelor's degree program. And we thought the American system was stressful.
13. Public health care in Australia is . . .
A. Free
B. Free, but you have to do a lot of paperwork.
C. Free except for elective things like rhinoplasty.
D. Not really free.
There are doctor's offices that are completely "bulk billed" which means they are entirely free. Medicare pays for everything. But those are GPs. and there aren't tons of bulk-bill only offices. Some only bulk-bill for kids or older people. Or only bulk bill between 10 - 4. If you can only come before or after work or if you need an emergency weekend or night visit, you're going to pay something at a clinic.
There are lots of GP offices that don't bulk-bill. You pay around $80 and Medicare will reimburse about $37. Why would you do this? Faster service, the ability to make appointments. If you are referred to a specialist of any kind (and the GPs don't deal with much other than the typical illnesses), you will have to pay part of the cost.
There are public hospitals and private hospitals. The public hospitals will see you for free, but you will wait a long time for non-emergent procedures. If you need, for example, a knee replacement, and you don't have hospital and/or orthopedic "extra" insurance, you can get it done for free at a hospital but there might be a very long waiting period for it. Most people have private health insurance to cover hospitalisations, ambulance services, etc. If you have private insurance, you get a rebate on your federal taxes. If you don't, no rebate. We pay almost $300/month for our private insurance. So really poor people can get by without paying much of anything, but it makes getting medical care more complicated.
14. Gun ownership in Australia . . .
A. Is illegal except for police and the military.
B. Is ubiquitous, but people aren't allowed to carry publicly.
C. Is legal, but you need extensive background checks, be registered with a gun club, and attend and pass a gun safety training class to get a gun.
D. Is only legal, outside of police and the military, if you live on a farm.
Australia's gun laws are often misunderstood. After a massacre in Port Arthur, Tasmania in 1996, Australia decided to ban guns. They held a massive gun buyback, and made it difficult, but not impossible, to get a gun. A couple of my year 11 students have guns and do sport shooting. But the whole attitude towards guns is different. I asked my students where they keep their guns, they said, "Locked up of course!" Are the guns loaded in lock-up? "Why would they be loaded? That would be completely dangerous." And so on. They had to take gun safety courses. They had the background checks, and they only shoot at the club.
Gun ownership in the outback is more commonplace, because there are dangerous animals you need to be able to kill to protect yourself, but again, you don't see people walking the streets with them. And there are very few shootings as a result. There have been a few - in Sydney they had the hostages at the Lindt cafe in December 2014, and last month there was a terror-related shooting of one person at a Sydney police station, and I believe I heard of two recent ones in Melbourne, but in general they just don't happen. Probably a good thing, because there's a lot of drinking that happens, and it's better the general population isn't armed as they leave the pubs, although they seem to do a good bit of damage behind the wheel and with knives.
15. Which of the following is not a term of endearment in Australia?
A. Dickhead
B. Bastard
C. Cunt
D. All of the above are terms you might call a friend.
I actually gave credit to people who chose D as well, because I've heard people use C as a way of greeting friends at the footy, and at the boys' school where I worked. But C is borderline. Men use it with each other in an affectionate manner at times, if they know each other well, if they've been drinking, whatever. Men don't use it to talk about women in an affectionate manner. Women don't use it at all (or at least I've never heard it). If they do, I can't imagine they are using it as a nice word. In this, like in all things, context is everything. They can be terms of affection, or antagonistic, depending on the situation. And uses of these differs dramatically among different socio-ecoonomic strata. Joel and I do not go around calling our friends these terms. They are not acceptable in professional settings. They are not acceptable in places of worship. Some people never use them, others might be fine with it. And full disclosure: I occasionally call my husband a d-head, but there's love there.
16. "G'day!"
A. Is never really used.
B. Is only used in the country.
C. Is only used by men.
D. Is only heard in bars and pubs.
I gave a mark to answer B as well because Joel says both women and men would use it in the country, but I've only heard men say it around these parts. Definitely not for the pub - I have colleagues and students say "g'day" to me just about every day. I say "good morning" back because anything else makes me sound like a moron.
17. Which American snack food is the least readily available in Australia?
A. Oreos
B. Graham crackers
C. Doritos
D. Pop Tarts
I hear so much whining about how much Americans miss graham crackers. I do not miss them. If I want to make s'mores I will make them with Nice biscuits, which are ever so much more delicious than graham crackers, although those Aussie marshmallows are a non-starter.
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Nice! |
18. Citizens voting in Australia . . .
A. Is only open to white men.
B. Is how Australia elects a Prime Minister.
C. Is compulsory - if you don't vote you have to pay the government a fine.
D. Happens yearly.
Thankfully no one chose A. Although Australia did at one time have a similar law, they ratified women's suffrage long before America did.
The Prime Minister is chosen by the Ministers of Parliament (MPs), and the people vote for the MPs. We recently got a new Prime Minister, because the leading party lost faith in the old one, but the new PM is from the same party. It happened overnight. One day we had one Prime Minister, the next day we had another one. No muss, no fuss.
I think elections happen every three years, but I'm not positive. Definitely not every year, but if you fail to vote, they WILL find you and you WILL be fined . . . $20. If you refuse to pay the fine, they send you to court.
Thanks for reading, and thanks to those who played along with my exercise in procrastination.
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