And now a quiz.

I've been feeling a little blue lately.  Work has been super-busy, the job search has been a soul-sucking exercise in futility, and the kids just won't stop fighting over who gets to sit in what chair in the kitchen.  As a break from all that is depressing the crap out of me, I thought I'd take a break and write a little quiz based on all that is absurd in Australia.  Enjoy - the first non-Australian resident who emails or messages me all the right answers, or the one who sends the most correct answers within a week of publication will get some TimTams in the mail a week later, or whenever Auspost feels like sending them to you.

1.  You are grocery shopping.  You need sugar.  Where do you find it?
   A.  In the aisle with the eggs.
   B.  In the aisle with the coffee and tea.
   C.  In the aisle with the flour and spices
   D.   In the cereal aisle.

2.  Still grocery shopping.  You need commercially packaged chicken stock.  Where do you find it?
   A.  In the sauce aisle.
   B.  In the soup aisle.
   C.  In the meat department.
   D.  In the frozen section.

3.   A "swatvac" is. . .
   A.  A device used to kill and vacuum really big bugs.
   B.  A police sweep intending to pick up drunk drivers.
   C.  A cram session before big exams.
   D.  A cleaning device to reach corners on high ceilings.

4.  Which web site WILL let you watch their videos in Australia without, ahem, outside intervention?
   A.  Comedy Central
   B.  YouTube
   C.  Hulu
   D.  BBC

5.  Tipping at restaurants
   A.  Is forbidden.
   B.  Makes you look like a tourist.
   C.  Is only expected to be 10%.
   D.  Is only expected for wine service.

6.  If you want to pay for airline tickets you can . . .
   A.  Pay by credit card, but it will cost you $30/ticket for the privilege.
   B.  Pay by debit card, but it will cost you $10/ticket for the privilege.
   C.  Pay using an online money transfer, but it will take up to a week to get your tickets confirmed.
   D.  All of the above.

7.  Pumpkin spice can be found . . .
   A.  Nowhere in Australia
   B.  At Starbucks in Australia
   C.  Only in the autumn in Australia (which is springtime in America)
   D.  It's everywhere, but it's called "custard spice."

8.   "Afternoon tea" means . . .
   A.  Lunch
   B.  Dinner
   C.  A snack between lunch and dinner.
   D.  Any hot drink you drink in the afternoon.

9.   "Tea" means . . .
   A.  Lunch
   B.  Dinner
   C.  A snack between lunch and dinner.
   D.  Any hot drink you drink in the afternoon.

10.  Australian marshmallows taste like . . .
   A.  American marshmallows
   B.  Peppermint
   C.  Chocolate
   D.  Strawberry

11.  Killer Pythons are . . .
   A.  A popular candy treat for the little ones.
   B.  Only found in Queensland during the wet season.
   C.  Ubiquitous, and they are able to kill a grown human within 5 minutes.
   D.  A slang term for a man who is well-endowed.

12.  When applying for university in Australia, which is NOT true for year 12 students?
   A.  They apply in year 11 and know at the beginning of year 12 where they are headed.
   B.  They are accepted into a specific program the summer after year 12.
   C.  They have to decide what they want to study before they apply to university.
   D.  They worry a lot about their exams in year 12 because that can make or break whether or not they get into the program of their choice.

13.  Public health care in Australia is  . . .
   A.  Free
   B.  Free, but you have to do a lot of paperwork.
   C.  Free except for elective things like rhinoplasty.
   D.  Not really free.

14.  Gun ownership in Australia . . .
   A.  Is illegal except for police and the military.
   B.  Is ubiquitous, but people aren't allowed to carry publicly.
   C.  Is legal, but you need extensive background checks, be registered with a gun club, and attend and pass a gun safety training class to get a gun.
   D.  Is only legal, outside of police and the military, if you live on a farm.

15.  Which of the following is not a term of endearment in Australia?
   A.  Dickhead
   B.  Bastard
   C.  Cunt
   D.  All of the above are terms you might call a friend.

16.  "G'day!" 
   A.  Is never really used.
   B.  Is only used in the country.
   C.  Is only used by men.
   D.  Is only heard in bars and pubs.

17.  Which American snack food is the least readily available in Australia?
   A.  Oreos
   B.  Graham crackers
   C.  Doritos
   D.  Pop Tarts

18.  Citizens voting in Australia . . .
   A.  Is only open to white men.
   B.  Is how Australia elects a Prime Minister.
   C.   Is compulsory - if you don't vote you have to pay the government a fine.
   D.  Happens yearly.

That's all I can think of for now, and writing this strangely this has made me feel a little better.  I'll publish the answers in a week.   Good luck!